Toront 1

It started so well: the out-of-hours powers-that-be allowing me to still work my overnight shift (€A$H) but leave an hour early to catch my plane. I did my best to scupper things by leaving my iPhone and charger in Durham when I was clearly going to need it to meet up with Mrs Doubleu in Schipol. She'd caught an earlier airmiles funded flight (-too much transatlantic living... but I wouldn't be complaining later as I entered the calming oasis of the executive lounge in the wake of her shining gold card).

So after a quick detour via home (Hi Jeff! Hi Max!) to dump my doctoring gear, I realised this essential kit was missing and rang work. I was informed that Andy, a kindly ECP, was hotfooting it to Newcastle International with the offending items. Cue comedy scenes: as Vicky in Durham, with a phone to each ear (yes, very 24) directs 21st century Andy on his mobile to the payphone where I'm anchored seemingly in 1989 (yes, I know... a payphone!!!?!).

Andy handed over the brown envelope, bulging with iPhone and charger, then we both sauntered to the short stay carpark to beat the reg plate recognition camera system "20 minutes for £1" cut off deadline. Wheelspinning to the exit, I then left my engine running, as I ran back to help Andy out (no change) by throwing £1 into the paybucket.

Panting and a little clammy, I was back at security after a 10 minute run back from long stay parking. Hand luggage only with a preprinted boarding card, I took the contents of the package and stuffed them in my carry-on bag as I stood in the queue for the scanners, trying to blend in amongst the St Tropez, faux Gucci and crop tops. Good to see such keen eyes for suspicious behaviour at security.

I touched down in Schipol and as we taxied in to the gate I received a text with precise directions to the rendezvous where I offloaded the contents of the package to Agent Mrs Doubleu who was getting dangerously low on charge herself.

As I explained my actions to Interpol later, as I nursed my coffee in the holding cell, "Real spooks wouldn't use iPhones- you just can't depend on the battery life..." or was that just my cover story. "And anyway, what do you mean the airport art gallery is closed? I wanna see those cows!"